NECROPALYPSE NOW!
Posted May 31, 2010, 8:22 a.m.
It's no easy ride for Dennis Hopper, who died of prostate cancer, May 29. John Cowan notified Jon Graney. Hopper starred in Easy Rider, and played a completely unnecessary and annoying role in Apocalypse Now! His bad boy image and rebellious characters parlayed nicely into later-life roles in financial planning commercials. Wait...what? Hopper was 73.
(1 point)

COLEMAN'S LIFE SHORTENED...AGAIN
Posted May 28, 2010, 2:41 p.m.
Who knew you could injure your head from such a low altitude? Gary Coleman, who played lovable Arnold on Diff'rent Strokes, died of a brain hemorrage, May 28, after falling. Jon Graney notified John Cowan. A brain hemorrage is much like a stroke, only diff'rent. Coleman was 42. (Oh, and yeah, we beat CNN again.)
(1 point)

RONNIE JAMES D.O.A.
Posted May 17, 2010 3:55 p.m.
Heavy metal vocalist Ronnie James Dio died May 16 after an epic fiery battle with Lucifer. No, I'm sorry. Stomach cancer. I meant stomach cancer. John Cowan notified Jon Graney. Dio popularized a devilish hand signal known as "throwing horns." It looks like the only thing they'll be throwing now is a funeral -- which will likely be held on the...Sabbath. Dio was 67.
(1 point)

DEMISING WOMEN
Posted April 11, 2010 8:53 a.m.
Dixie Carter, who played the tenacious Julia Sugarbaker on Designing Women, died April 10. Jon Graney notified John Cowan. Carter, a conservative in real life, often disagreed with her liberal character's views. She used this to negotiate musical numbers on the show...which is why Designing Women achieved such a high level of sucking. It ain't over 'til the...oh, wait, it's over. Carter was 70.
(1 point)

DYIN'ASTY
Posted April 2, 2010 5:35 p.m.
"Hello, Angels!" Actor John Forsythe died of pneumonia, April 1. John Cowan notified Jon Graney. Forsythe played the never-seen Charlie on Charlie's Angels. He also played oil tycoon Blake Carrington on Dynasty -- a show that was critically acclaimed for its spectacular acting, intricate storylines, and outstanding production value. But seriously, it was a piece of crap. Forsythe was 92.
(1 point)

I SPY A DEAD GUY
Posted March 24, 2010 10:16 p.m.
Hit yer head, now yer dead. Actor Robert Culp, star of 'I Spy' and Greatest American Hero, died after falling outside his Los Angeles home, March 24. Jon Graney notified John Cowan. Culp most recently starred as Raymond's father-in-law on Everybody Loves Raymond, though he apparently wasn't a huge fan of Everybody Loves Watching Where They're Walking. Culp was 79.
(1 point)

Sim'lar Strokes
5.14.10 - Cameraman and amateur songwriter Tyler Lambert committed suicide under the influence of drugs, May 6, at age 25. Doesn't sound familiar? His mom was Dana Plato, star of Diff'rent Strokes, who herself committed suicide in 1999 at age 34. Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Tyler?!

Gone to the 'Cabin in the Sky'
5.10.10 - Jazz vocalist, actress and political activist Lena Horne died May 9. Her accomplishments and activism make it almost impossible to make fun of her. But her last name looks sort of like "horny," so we'll say goodbye on that note. Lena Horny was 92.

Headed to an early Redgrave
5.2.10 - Actress Lynn Redgrave, who apparently starred in a movie called Georgie Girl, apparently died of breast cancer. She was apparently 70.

Davy Croakett
3.18.10 - Fess Parker, who played Davy Crockett on TV in the 1950s and Daniel Boone in the 1960s, has died. News reports claim Parker died on his wife's birthday, making him not only a TV pioneer, but also a selfish prick. He was 85.

Chilton chills
3.18.10 - Alex Chilton, singer of the Box Tops and Big Star, has died at age 59. Wait...who?

WTFTD?
3.11.10 - Former pro football player and FTD Florist spokesman Merlin Olsen died at age 69 after a two-year battle with mesothelioma. Hey, he did asbestos he could.